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20 March 2011 @ 05:53 pm
 APPARENTLY NOBODY TOLD ME THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO START STRESSING ABOUT PROM LIKE, A MONTH AGO? It is going to be in May. I need a date because I am succumbing to the pressures of school/society. And a dress, except I'm really good at shopping so it'll be all right.

People who have gone to prom! Tell me how it's done! Especially if you asked a boy! 
Current Mood: stressedstressed
13 January 2011 @ 09:12 pm
I've become quite the grade grubber over the last two years. At some  point my focus in life shifted from Being Smart to Getting Lots of Points once I grew up a bit and realized my intellect is pretty average. I know I'm pretty good at all that academic stuff, but there's really nothing special about my intellect in general. Anything I might accomplish is pretty much the fruits of desperation and anxiety and sleepless nights, though I'm certainly not the hardest worker I know, by any means.

That said, it's really galling my inner (I guess it's more outer now) grade grubber to fail physics test after physics test despite neglecting all my other studies in order to teach myself physics. My teacher is about as awful as my test grades in that class, and I can't help but feel that I would be at least okay at physics and enjoy it a lot had I a better teacher. I mean, I signed up for honors physics, the most difficult science class at my high school, thinking that I wanted to challenge myself in spite of probably being an English major and that physics is pretty damn fascinating. And now I literally do not see the point of showing up to class every day.

Of course, it doesn't help that physics and calculus are probably going to kill my Valedictorian status, especially since we're required to get a 93% or above in order to get 4.0 grade. The ironic part? I would be better at calculus if I didn't study pointlessly in hopes of understanding physics.

My life is just grades-grades-grades-grades-grades-no-love-life-grades right now. After four years at this stupid high school, I've become this grade-obsessed, neurotic individual who is really only good at writing fiction, an unpopular and solitary pursuit. (Don't try to tell me otherwise, LJ.)

I decided to ask my good friend who might be ambiguously gay to Tolo, the winter girls-ask-boys dance at my school, to try to involve myself in high school life. Not only does he not want to go to the dance (even though he said yes probably due to our friendship), he makes me feel horrible about asking him in the first place since he couldn't really say no. I just didn't have anybody else to ask, and I'd thought he'd be good company.

And the fun part is going to Yale next year means this is going to start ALL over again, except my GPA has a direct influence on how much I'll make as a "grown-up," which I already know isn't going to be much unless I get into science. And everybody's going to be much smarter than I at Yale.
28 January 2010 @ 09:35 pm
Please come up wtih an AP LA literary research paper topic. I know you're considering researching Salinger (RIP) and the loss of innocence or Fitzgerald's or Atwood's works right now, but I think you should come up with something more ambitious. Expectations are high, my friend. Please also consider coming up with some themes such as "love and ______" or "society reflected in _______" for me.

I need to write an awesome research paper.


Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: Come As You Are//Nirvana
17 January 2010 @ 08:16 pm
I actually DO want to keep a vaguely regular journal rather than one with random, ridiculously angsty and lengthy entries about stress, and in order to stop myself from bottling everything up until I combust (figureatively), I am now going to write short, regular entries when possible. Today's entries will consist of... college thoughts. By thoughts I mean lists, because I love lists and am an organization freak.

Definitely applying to:
UW (aka U Dub aka University of Washington)

Bryn Mawr
U of Chicago
Boston U
Seattle U

If I feel like setting myself up for failure:

Yeah... So I'm not considering any school that isn't somewhat close to a big city of any kind. I've never cared about the physical environment in which I learn as long as the people aren't hostile. I just do not want to be stuck in the middle of nowhere.

My current dream school is Columbia, but my chances of getting in are really, really low. Only a couple (like 2-4) students from my school are accepted each year, and I already know a couple people in my year WAY more qualified than myself who plan on applying there Early Decision. I'd originally thought I MIGHT do something to deserve getting into Columbia this year (oy, junior year), but I only got a 97% on my PSAT so my changes are Not Good.

Damnit, why am I not good at math!?! I mean, I do AP Calculus, but I'm still not good/interested enough in it. Sometimes I hate being the stereotypical girl who's good at linguistics, history, and English. (And talk about total Asian fail???)

Another example of life not going to way you want it to: I'd originally thought I'd apply to Early Decision to Columbia to get the disappointment over with, but now it's gotten to the point that it's not realistic to waste a perfectly good ED chance on such a reach. I'm now considering Barnard, which surprisingly, I actually really really like based on some research I've done. (I can also visit Barnard and Columbia this spring during my orchestra trip.) And most of the colleges I like are women's colleges because I am a feminist and proud of it and I can get a good education at these damn places goddamnit. It just pisses me off that other people, women included, react at me like they're expecting me to turn into a bitchy lesbian who doesn't shave or whatever.
Current Mood: mellowmellow
02 January 2010 @ 10:53 pm
Title: The Act of Fear
Author: fathomlesssky
Fandom: Havemercy
Rating: PG-13
Summary: After visiting the hanging gardens of Eklesias, Rook and Thom arrive at a village in the middle of nowhere and must confront their conflicts with one another.
Author's Notes: Written for stopping as part of yuletide 2009. Originally posted here.
Warnings: Possible incestuous vibes if you squint really, really hard. Rook's potty mouth. Glaring plot device.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.

They are in the middle of fucking nowhere, and the professor is consulting his maps for their distance from civilization, his face half-buried in yellowing parchment.Collapse )
Current Mood: dorkydorky
Current Music: Self-taught Learner//Lissy Trullie
21 November 2009 @ 11:31 pm
So my friend held a birthday party yesterday and decided to torture me by forcing me to go to New Moon with her. And it's not that the movie was boring, which it was, that offends me. It's just that the whole thing is so blah. I don't care if they didn't stray from the source material, I don't care if Edward and Bella stay together or not, and I don't care about Robert Pattinson's naked torso. Actually, I REALLY didn't care for that. That was complete fan disservice as opposed to fan service like Taylor Lautner's naked torso. I just have no emotions invested into this franchise or any of its characters due to the bad story-telling. The soundtrack was nice though.

It's occurred to me that I haven't written much lately. At least for fun because trust me, I've been writing plenty for AP LA, AP US History, and Young Critics Workshop. I'm almost done with outlining the-NaNoWriMo-novel-that-I'm-actually-going-to-work-on-as-a-real-novel except for how to resolve the conflict. And I'm conceptualizing with a short thing about the violin that's either going to be a personal narrative or a really personal piece of fiction. I need to write, but everytime I sit down I think of ten things that are way more pressing. I especially need to generate some good writing this year since I already have a number of summer writing programs that I'm going to apply to and I'm SO not going to get into any of these with crap (or older pieces).

Still no cute boys. Alas. Maybe I should just give up on the prospects of going to ANY school dance or boy-girl thing.
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
Current Music: Monster//Lady Gaga
08 November 2009 @ 07:28 pm
a) I hate anxiety, particularly social and college anxiety. I know I shouldn't worry this much since there's really not too much I can do about it, but ugggggh. I also have to find some kind of summer program to do this summer since I took a slacker summer last year since I got rejected from the one thing that I applied to.

b) I'm starting a school book club called Book Club. I filed the forms last week, so hopefully the student council will get back to me this week so I can prepare for the first meeting. I get the feeling Book Club is just going to be me and a couple of nerdy friends who enjoy reading, but I gotta give it a shot, y'know? I've always wanted to do a book club, and I'll do my best on the publicity front to get a variety of people to attend even though it won' t be particulraly popular because most people my age don't really read for fun that much anymore and I'm not exactly popular or unpopular (very unnoticeable) overall at my school.

c) Yeah... NaNoWriMo is not working out for me this year with three AP classes, orchestra, founding Book Club, and college anxiety. I'm still going to work on my initial idea, but the word count honestly does not matter to me. My main problem is that I have two ideas and I want to put them together somehow and I can't figure out how. On one hand, I have a magician's apprentice set in a world like ours, but with magic, and has to take over her master's duties and come into her own when her master vanishes, all the while trying to break a curse that has been placed on the love interest character. I also want the apprentice character to sort of lose track of reality--the "real" world and a "dream" world that nobody else sees is colliding together for her (a symbol of her turmoil, etc etc) and she has to figure out how to stop it before she gets herself killed. If you can think of a way to make these two ideas work together, I'd love to know.

d) I've also been accepted into Young Critics Workshop, which is like, hipster central. Everyone likes to name drop indie bands and talk about how they're into the local music scene (since I do live in frickin' SEATTLE after all) and it's frustrating to hell out of me. I like indie as much as the next person--actually, I like indie more than the next person, but there has GOT to be more to reviewing the arts/editorial journalism than just empty snark and name-dropping to show how hip and snarky you are.

e) I need more cute boys in my life. 'nuff said.
Current Music: Two Tongues//The Swell Season
22 October 2009 @ 08:45 pm

a) So today was basically the last day of this year's cross country season for me since it was the district championship. You know, I can't believe it's over. I didn't think I'd become so invested in cross counry and running when I signed up to do it, but I think it was one of the most enriching experiences I've ever had and one of my few rare good decisions. But while I ended up really liking it, I pretty much sucked at it and I'm pretty glad that I don't have practice after school every day anymore and do homework until 2 o'clock in the morning to make up for lost time (hell, I'm considering calling in sick for school tomorrow because I have waaay too much stuff I haven't done due to the meet today). I'm going to really try to keep the friends, acquaintances, and (oddly) muscles that I got from this season... (I'm not horribly physically unfit anymore. Weird!) Well, after I play catch-up on my school work.

b) In other news, I keep missing college visits from various colleges at my school because I can't afford to miss certain class days. Ugh. At least I can still attend visits next year, before I mail in my applications. I missed the Swarthmore, Macalester, and Wellesley visits due to cross country and class. Bryn Mawr never showed up at my school even though we all waited like 40 minutes for the representative (boo). I didn't go to the Vassar visit today because I was already missing half of school for the championship meet. I don't know if I have the time to go to Wesleyan tomorrow. So basically, the only college visits I've attended are for Columbia and Bryn Mawr. And Bryn Mawr didn't show up.

Eww, junior year. To remedy all the ones I couldn't attend, I've I signed up for Skidmore, Pomona, Barnard, Northwestern, and Williams. I may or may not try Wesleyan tomorrow if I have the time to. Hopefully I'll attend at least like, half. Come on, universe, I don't want to fail class but I need to know which colleges I'm getting good grades for.

c) Where the Wild Things Are is officially awesome.

d) What else is new with you guys? NaNoWriMo, anyone? I want to do it, but I have no concrete ideas at this point.
Current Mood: tiredtired
12 April 2009 @ 08:34 pm
Epic fail, Amazon.
Current Mood: crankycranky
Current Music: Cemeteries of London//Coldplay
30 November 2008 @ 04:44 pm

The story of We Are a Continuum (I'm pretty sure you don't capitalize the "a"?) is actually FINISHED as well! By "finished", I mean it has a beginning and an end written and middle pretty much exists too... Okay, I need to fill in some of the middle chapters a bit, but I didn't even get to the halfway point of the "story" at the end of NaNoWriMo last year.

I didn't think I was going to finish this year, I really didn't.

And I haven't gotten to the point of completely loathing my NaNovel either, thank goodness.

YAY!!! *breaks out the balloons and cake and champagne*

Current Mood: highhigh
Current Music: Yellow Submarine//The Beatles